Correcting Your Behavior Since 2017

Guest Curmudgeon: The Screw of the Turn

It may seem a trivial grievance to some, but I would like to lodge a formal protest to luxury car manufacturers for failing to supply turn signals in their vehicles. I theorize there must be an optional turn signal package that is, perhaps, prohibitive in cost, such that few of those even rich enough to buy these luxury vehicles can afford it. My reasoning comes from the sheer percentage of luxury vehicles I’ve encountered in my travels that simply never display turn signals at all. Not before turns. Not before lane changes. The cars must simply not be equipped with these devices at all, for I can scarcely think of another reason that would cause such a complete and utter dearth of turn-signal usage in Lexuses, Infinitis, Acuras, Mercedes, and all manner of cars positioning themselves in the luxury market. Now, I understand that I may simply be showing my privilege, with my petty quibbles over an entitlement to having someone signal that they may be turning before screeching to a near-halt directly in front of me, and then slowly turning into the driveway of an estate so massive, I can’t see the mansion itself from the road. But I feel that the world moves more efficiently when simple courtesies are observed: the helpful “Head’s Up!” before tossing an object at a person whose attention is elsewhere; the informative “Timber!” before felling a tree, lest someone nearby be caught unaware; the quick and assertive “Fire in the Hole!” before a nearby detonation; and the casual but enlightening flick of a wrist to activate a signal to other drivers that in moments, you will be depressing the brake pedal with enough force to shatter a brick in order to maximize the deceleration of your vehicle in the shortest distance possible. It just seems like a good idea for both parties. Who wants to be ever so near home to one’s palatial mansion, only to slam on the brakes and have someone in a lesser vehicle—one of barely any status at all—careen into one’s posterior? I would certainly hate for the end of a trip to my sprawling mansion to be so unpleasantly punctuated. And I can’t imagine a reason others would desire such a fate either, so it must simply be that their cars do not come equipped with the same signaling devices that I see so often used on less expensive vehicles. And so, gentle reader, I ask you to join me in my call to luxury auto makers to please include turn signals as standard equipment on all of their newly manufactured vehicles, and to no longer force people to have to choose between the safety of signaling devices or the comfort of air conditioned seats and moisture-activated windshield wipers.